Как научить ребенка справляться с чувствами и правильно выражать их?



Как правильно выражать гнев?

Психолог С.Нефедкина

Все чувства важны, нужны и нормальны и естесственны,  поэтому самое главное для родителей — принимать все чувства ребенка и помогать ему принимать их. Для того, чтобы принимать, нужно сначала научиться их дифференцировать. Для этого, родителям надо называть свои чувства ребенку, и называть чувства ребенка («Мне страшно», «Тебе весело», «Мне грустно», «Тебе интересно», «Мне стыдно», «Ты злишься».. и т.п.). Чем разнообразнее «ассортимент чувств» взрослого, тем лучше будет эмоциональное развитие ребенка.

Как научить ребенка справляться с чувствами и правильно выражать их?

Порой, чувства бывают тяжелыми и ребенку с ними тяжело справиться. Ребенок может плакать от боли, злиться и обижаться в ответ на какой-то запрет, в какой-то ситуации ему может стать стыдно или страшно т.п.  К сожалению часто, взрослые, запрещая ребенку выражать чувства, способствуют тому, что они  ребенком подавляются, блокируются. Взрослым бывает нелегко принимать чувства ребенка, особенно, когда речь идет  о чувствах, которые мы порой, называем негативными (такие как, злость, обида, раздражение, возмущение). Однако, бывает и так, что даже такие светлые чувства, как радость, интерес и удовольствие, взрослые не дают выразить ребенку в полной мере. Что значит «не дают»? Это значит, что гасят эмоции ребенка фразами типа: «Неприлично так громко смеяться!», «Успокойся уже! Что ты так развеселился? На тебя все смотрят!» и т.п.

Чем может обернуться для ребенка подавление чувств? В  первую очередь тем, что у него сформируется убеждение в том, что чувства надо сдерживать и нельзя показывать окружающим, сформируется внутренний запрет на выражение чувств. Ребенок от родителя получает сигнал: «То, что ты чувствуешь — мне не нравится», «То, что ты чувствуешь — плохо» и т.п. Особенно «неудобными» являются чувства злости и гнева, так как они социально неодобряемые и могут расцениваться как проявление невоспитанности, агрессивности и несдержанности.  Так как ребенку очень важно быть принятым, он вынужден подавлять чувства. Но, если он их подавляет, он от них не избавляется, а напротив — накапливает. Сдержанные чувства впоследствии могут перерости в более серьезные проблемы: от замыкания в себе, до психологических срывов и депрессии. Родители, знакомые с понятием «психосоматических болезней» знают, что зачастую за болезнью может стоять подавленная эмоция.

Сдерживая чувства, ребенок не может вести себя естесственно и непринужденно. Чувства, которые у ребенка внутри и не выражаются, будут так или иначе, управлять его поведением. Важно не накапливать отрицательные эмоции и чувства, а безопасно для окружающих и себя освобождаться от них.

Существует понятие «эмоциональный интеллект» (emotional intelligence). Это понятие означает способность человека распознавать, осознавать, понимать эмоции (свои, других людей), выражать их и управлять ими. Так вот, для того, чтобы помочь детям справляться с тяжелыми эмоциями и чувствами, родители должны, в первую очередь развивать свой эмоциональный интеллект. Если родитель хорошо осознает свои чувства, говорит о них, умеет их правильно выражать, то он будет лучшим примером и учителем для ребенка в этом деле. Если родители отдалены от собственных чувств, или в семье не принято делиться чувствами, считаться с чувствами друг друга, но есть желание изменить ситуацию в этом отношении, то начинать надо с себя. Для начала надо понимать, почему возникают те, или иные эмоции. Способ это понять заключается в следующем — надо прислушаться к себе и ответить на вопросы: «Я злюсь, когда..», «Я раздражаюсь, когда..», «Я обижаюсь, когда..», «Я ненавижу, когда..».  Способность идентифицировать свои чувства и выражать их, а также понимать связь между своими чувствами и действиями называется эмоциональной осознанностью. Это дает возможность совладать, справиться со своими эмоциями, не подавляя их. Эмоциональная осознанность также является способностью понимать, что чувствуют другие люди и сопереживать им. Сопереживание очень важно для человеческих отношений.

Зачастую, родители имеют ошибочные представления о негативных чувствах, особенно таких, как гнев и злость. Так, к примеру, они могут иметь убеждение, что «хорошие» люди не злятся, или, что только «неадекватные» люди гневаются, или, если кто-то злится на нас, то мы что-то сделали неправильно, или более того, нас больше не любят. На самом деле, злость выполняет защитную функцию, помогая человеку понять, что что-то в определенной ситуации не так, что злость — это результат какой-то неудовлетворенности. Силу злости можно использовать с пользой, как стимул к действиям, к изменениям. Много внимания в данной статье уделяется работе с чувствами родителей, так как именно они являются воспитателями для своих детей. Пожтому подчеркну еще раз — если родители обеспокоены «сложными чувствами» ребенка, это сигнал к тому, чтобы разобраться с собственными чувствами, задуматься об эмоциональном климате семьи.

Существуют разные способы выражения гнева. Первый способ — прямой (когда человек открыто заявляет о своих чувствах, давая им, тем самым, выход: «Я сейчас лопну от злости!», «Я очень сильно разозлился сейчас» и т.п.). Этот способ является конструктивным.

Другой способ выражения гнева — косвенный, когда человек вымещает гнев на предемете, или другом человеке, который в данный момент подвернулся под «горячую руку». Естесственно, этот способ не является конструктивным, но хорошо знаком многим детям и взрослым, не знакомым с  другими способами выражения гнева. К неконструктивным способам также относится и сдерживание гнева, о чем много говорилось выше.

Как же можно безопасно выразить гнев и злость? Вот лишь некоторые способы, которые могут использовать взрослые и обучать этим способам своих детей:

Как научить ребенка справляться с чувствами и правильно выражать их?

  • Физические упражнения и любая физическая работа. Известен факт, что занятия спортом повышают настроение, благодаря выработке во время занятий гормона серотонина, и снижают чувство гнева.
  • Плавание в бассейне, контрасный душ.
  • Громкое пение, или возможность покричать в голос (например в лесу, на природе), а если нет такой возможности — покричать в подушку.
  • Использование боксерской груши, или подушек, которые можно побить, желательно при этом и вербально выражать эмоции.
  • Пометать дротики, посбивать кегли и т.п.
  • Скомкать несколько газет, или листов бумаги , порвать их на мелкие куски и выбросить.
  • Можно нарисовать свою злость, или нарисовать человека, на которого разозлились, а затем закрасить его или порвать, или можно слепить чувство из пластелина, и сломать, смять слепленное.

Можно также проработать чувство злости с игровой форме: например «прорычать» злость, устроить битву подушками, или воздушными шарами, или какое-то соревнование вместе с ребенком. Есть также такое упражнение: когда замечаете, что ребенок начинает злиться, сначала отразите его чувство, а потом, предложите «пообзываться» смешными, но необидными словами (это могут быть названия овощей, фруктов, мебели и т. п.). Очень быстро злость превратится в смех, который, кстати тоже является  способом выражения гнева.

Очень подходит детям такой способ выражения гнева: предложите ребенку размять в руках большой кусок глины, пока он не станет теплым, а потом — сильно ударить по нему кулаком, одновременно с этим прокричав слово: «Нет!».

Дорогие родители, помните, что эмоции — это нить, связывающая нас с детьми и другими людьми. Они насыщают нашу жизнь, отношения и являются основой для самопонимания и понимания наших близких. Поэтому, не осуждайте чувства ребенка, так как оно не является действием. Выражайте недовольство действиями, но предлагайте альтернативу, обучайте способам выражения эмоций, и будьте примером для своих детей.

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Больше информации о Светлане Нефедкиной можно получить на сайте rupsy.ee и  личном сайте psy-lana.com

 

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  7. Hands down, Apple’s app store wins by a mile. It’s a huge selection of all sorts of apps vs a rather sad selection of a handful for Zune. Microsoft has plans, especially in the realm of games, but I’m not sure I’d want to bet on the future if this aspect is important to you. The iPod is a much better choice in that case.

  8. The new Zune browser is surprisingly good, but not as good as the iPod’s. It works well, but isn’t as fast as Safari, and has a clunkier interface. If you occasionally plan on using the web browser that’s not an issue, but if you’re planning to browse the web alot from your PMP then the iPod’s larger screen and better browser may be important.

  9. If you’re still on the fence: grab your favorite earphones, head down to a Best Buy and ask to plug them into a Zune then an iPod and see which one sounds better to you, and which interface makes you smile more. Then you’ll know which is right for you.

  10. Hands down, Apple’s app store wins by a mile. It’s a huge selection of all sorts of apps vs a rather sad selection of a handful for Zune. Microsoft has plans, especially in the realm of games, but I’m not sure I’d want to bet on the future if this aspect is important to you. The iPod is a much better choice in that case.

  11. Apple now has Rhapsody as an app, which is a great start, but it is currently hampered by the inability to store locally on your iPod, and has a dismal 64kbps bit rate. If this changes, then it will somewhat negate this advantage for the Zune, but the 10 songs per month will still be a big plus in Zune Pass’ favor.

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  29. I’ll gear this review to 2 types of people: current Zune owners who are considering an upgrade, and people trying to decide between a Zune and an iPod. (There are other players worth considering out there, like the Sony Walkman X, but I hope this gives you enough info to make an informed decision of the Zune vs players other than the iPod line as well.)

  30. Apple now has Rhapsody as an app, which is a great start, but it is currently hampered by the inability to store locally on your iPod, and has a dismal 64kbps bit rate. If this changes, then it will somewhat negate this advantage for the Zune, but the 10 songs per month will still be a big plus in Zune Pass’ favor.

  31. The Zune concentrates on being a Portable Media Player. Not a web browser. Not a game machine. Maybe in the future it’ll do even better in those areas, but for now it’s a fantastic way to organize and listen to your music and videos, and is without peer in that regard. The iPod’s strengths are its web browsing and apps. If those sound more compelling, perhaps it is your best choice.

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  58. The new Zune browser is surprisingly good, but not as good as the iPod’s. It works well, but isn’t as fast as Safari, and has a clunkier interface. If you occasionally plan on using the web browser that’s not an issue, but if you’re planning to browse the web alot from your PMP then the iPod’s larger screen and better browser may be important.

  59. Apple now has Rhapsody as an app, which is a great start, but it is currently hampered by the inability to store locally on your iPod, and has a dismal 64kbps bit rate. If this changes, then it will somewhat negate this advantage for the Zune, but the 10 songs per month will still be a big plus in Zune Pass’ favor.

  60. Hands down, Apple’s app store wins by a mile. It’s a huge selection of all sorts of apps vs a rather sad selection of a handful for Zune. Microsoft has plans, especially in the realm of games, but I’m not sure I’d want to bet on the future if this aspect is important to you. The iPod is a much better choice in that case.

  61. Sorry for the huge review, but I’m really loving the new Zune, and hope this, as well as the excellent reviews some other people have written, will help you decide if it’s the right choice for you.

  62. Zune and iPod: Most people compare the Zune to the Touch, but after seeing how slim and surprisingly small and light it is, I consider it to be a rather unique hybrid that combines qualities of both the Touch and the Nano. It’s very colorful and lovely OLED screen is slightly smaller than the touch screen, but the player itself feels quite a bit smaller and lighter. It weighs about 2/3 as much, and is noticeably smaller in width and height, while being just a hair thicker.

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  72. Hands down, Apple’s app store wins by a mile. It’s a huge selection of all sorts of apps vs a rather sad selection of a handful for Zune. Microsoft has plans, especially in the realm of games, but I’m not sure I’d want to bet on the future if this aspect is important to you. The iPod is a much better choice in that case.

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