Все ли детские психологи одинаковы хороши?



Поиск хорошего детского психолога — это всегда лотерея. Можно потерять деньги, время, силы, надежды. А иногда можно даже ухудшить то, что вы хотели улучшить. Недавно к нам в редакцию пришло письмо от одной нашей читательны, в котором она поделилась своим печальным опытом  обращения к детскому психологу в Таллинне. Ее проблему мы решили рассмотреть вместе с магистром психологии Светланой Нефедкиной.

Анна-Мария 38 лет «Хотела бы поделиться своим печальным опытом  обращения к детскому психологу. Так сложилось, что наш младший сын, подросток 12 лет, в один прекрасный момент совсем «отбился от рук».  Он перестал нас слушаться, стал очень агрессивным, забросил все секции, куда раньше ходил и стал прогуливать школу. Пытались с мужем по-разному повлиять на эту ситуацию – и «кнутом и пряником». На какое-то время это помогало, а потом опять все возвращалось на круги своя. И мы приняли решение – обратится к детскому психологу.

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Им оказалась девушка лет 35 – магистр психологии. Очень много разных дипломов, наград и прочего.  Первое, что она сделала – это отправила ребенка сдавать кучу анализов. Анализы не из дешевых, но что не сделаешь ради блага семьи. Ходили, сдавали, платили бешеные деньги.

Далее она начала работать с ребенком. Со мной и мужем она не провела ни одной беседы. Обещала, что будет контролировать даже его посещение в школе и что первые результаты будут уже через месяц.

Через месяц мы действительно увидели результат – ребенок взялся за ум, стал спокойнее и даже перестал пропускать школу. На втором месяце все стало возвращаться. Ребенок стал опять хамить, дерзить и, самое ужасное, при каждом скандале говорить,что это мы во всем виноваты и что это ему сказал психолог. Он стал очень много требовать и всячески добиваться своего. На это он также сказал, что это психолог ему сказала, что своего надо всегда добиваться, даже если другим от этого плохо! Через три месяца наш ребенок стал совсем неуправляемым. Сын ни с кем не считается, никого не слушает и делает то, что сам считает нужным.

Обсудив проблему с психологом, я еще раз убедилась, что у нас в стране нет грамотных детских психологов. Я поняла, что наш психолог хотела донести до ребенка, но это поняла я – взрослый человек, а вот мой ребенок воспринял все наоборот. И это была ошибка психолога. Она не смогла правильно донести  слова до ребенка.

Так что подумайте,  прежде чем идти к психологу.»

 

Ответ на письмо читательницы

svetlana_nefedkina

 

 

 

 

 

 

Светлана Нефедкина

(магистр психологии)

Читая письмо, выделяется две основные темы: трудности родителей, связанные с сыном, и работа психолога с заявленной проблемой. Так, с одной стороны, ощущается чувство тревоги автора письма за своего сына, а также чувство беспомощности – как влиять на него, как изменить ситуацию, ведь столько уже перепробовали.  С другой стороны, чувствуется сильное разочарование в психологе, к которому обращались за помощью, настолько сильное, что автор заключил (к счастью, ошибочно), что у нас в стране  вообще  нет «грамотных специалистов».

Безусловно, автор во многом прав и из прочитанного складывается впечатление, что в работе психолога действительно были определенные промахи. Например, кажется странным, что не было встреч с родителями, на которых проясняется ситуация семьи и внутрисемейных отношений, качества и характера взаимодействия  между родителями и ребенком. На таких встречах, как правило, психолог дает возможность родителям понять, в чем они могут помочь своему ребенку, что важно исправить во взаимоотношениях и своем поведении, подходе к воспитанию, как более взрослым, мудрым людям. В целом – как строить с ребенком гармоничные отношения. Важно донести до родителей, что отношения с ребенком – это улица с двусторонним движением: важно, чтобы как родители, так и ребенок чувствовали себя комфортно в семье. Как правило, многим родителям тяжело принять, что на них лежит большая доля ответственности за воспитание. Часто ребенка приводят к психологу с посылом: «Сделайте так, чтобы он для нас был удобен». То есть, вся ответственность перекладывается на ребенка. На самом деле – расстройства в поведении сигнализируют о том, что в структуре семьи что-то не так. Редко бывает, что ребенок «просто меняется». Обычно есть предшествующие факторы, повлиявшие на него, запустившие процесс изменений. И что это за факторы, как раз поможет прояснить психолог.

Естественно, психолог, работая с ребенком, ни в коем случае не должен влиять на него таким образом, чтобы ребенок озлобился против родителей. Это роковая ошибка. Изначальная цель – сплочение семьи, ее оздоровление, а не еще больший конфликт.

Родителям, обратившимся за помощью к психологу по поводу ребенка, важно понимать, что они являются заказчиками, так как идут с определенным запросом. Ребенок изначально не имеет мотивации для работы с психологом. Если специалисту удается создать доверительный  контакт с ребенком, тогда, как правило, у ребенкарождается свой собственный запрос. Представляете теперь, насколько тонко психолог должен «регулировать движение», чтобы помочь всем участникам процесса найти общие рычаги для гармоничного взаимодействия? Поэтому, повторяясь, скажу – очень важно устраивать встречи с родителями, а не только с ребенком.

Не очень понятно, для чего были назначены анализы. Могу предположить, что психолог принял решение об анализах для того, чтобы исключить возможные причины проблемы. Обычно есть показания для этого в тех случаях, когда ребенок становится сильно отстающим в учебе, рассеянным, или сильно агрессивным. Так же не очень понятно: это были медицинские анализы, томография головного мозга, или психодиагностика?

Насторожило и то, что психолог обещала результаты уже через месяц. Это зародило у родителей ожидания, а они, как правило, если не оправдываются, ведут к разочарованиям. Также, обещанием, психолог переложила всю ответственность на себя. А ответственность должна разделяться между всеми участниками процесса. Если какое-то звено «выпадает», или работает неправильно, некачественно, только на себя, то результата не будет!

Дорогие родители! У нас, слава Богу, есть грамотные психологи, могу Вас заверить в этом. Конечно, я в данном случае не являюсь нейтральным лицом, так как сама – представитель этой профессии. Однако, считаю, что наша профессия важна, нужна и очень интересна. В ней много прекрасных людей, талантливых, работающих с вдохновением, соблюдающих профессиональную этику, повышающих свою квалификацию! Мне искренне жаль, что читательница разочаровалась в психологах, но мне хочется надеяться, что она сможет посмотреть на нашу профессию с другой стороны.

В заключении, хочется добавить несколько важных слов о квалификации специалистов. Действительно, к сожалению, есть психологи, не получившие необходимой квалификации, но заявляющие о себе, как о «детских психологах», «психотерапевтах» и т.п. Люди, обращающиеся к специалисту, должны понимать к кому они обращаются. Есть разница между психологом, психотерапевтом и психиатром. Психолог, имеющий степень бакалавра (начальная ступень высшего образования) не может называть себя детским психологом, психотерапевтом и т.д. «Детский психолог», «семейный психолог» — это узкая специализация, подразумевающая, что человек прошел дополнительное обучение (это, например 160-часовое обучение, в случае, если есть степень магистра). Некоторые психологи о себе очень смело заявляют, не имея на самом деле, необходимой квалификации. А это, фактор риска для клиента, обратившегося за помощью, так как работа может быть сделана некачественно.

Думаю, тема квалификации, это тема для отдельной статьи, поскольку она очень глубока и серьезна, также, как и способ поиска специалиста.

Поэтому, дорогие читатели, доверяйте, но проверяйте! Не затягивайте проблемы, если они появляются, но старайтесь более серьезно подойти к выбору специалиста, которому доверите душу вашего ребенка, и свою.

 

Больше информации о Светлане Нефедкиной можно получить на сайте rupsy.ee и  личном сайте psy-lana.com

 

 

 

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  93. Zune and iPod: Most people compare the Zune to the Touch, but after seeing how slim and surprisingly small and light it is, I consider it to be a rather unique hybrid that combines qualities of both the Touch and the Nano. It’s very colorful and lovely OLED screen is slightly smaller than the touch screen, but the player itself feels quite a bit smaller and lighter. It weighs about 2/3 as much, and is noticeably smaller in width and height, while being just a hair thicker.

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