Мамино и папино воспитание: особенности и различия



Испокон века считается, что мама кормит, жалеет, лечит, балует, учит, наказывает. Все это должен «соединить» в себе маленький человечек – ваш ребенок.

Дети, в жизни которых одинаковую роль играли и мама, и отец, вырастают гармоничными личностями. То, что может дать отец ребенку, может дать только он. Воспитать мужество у мальчика и уверенность в себе у девочки. Папа – это ощущение защищенности и уверенности в завтрашнем дне.

Иногда приходится слышать: «Мама с ее воспитанием растит из парня неженку!». Или: «Папа с его строгостями из девочки «пацанку» делает!». В этих случаях родители устанавливают только один вид взаимоотношений с крохой. Бывает другой вариант попытки преодоления разногласий: «Мы договорились не отменять наказание, назначенное одним из родителей, даже если между собой не согласны, чтобы не разрушать наш авторитет!». И наконец, самая распространенная модель «единоначалия», чаще всего отцовского: «Как папа скажет, так и будет».

Но эти варианты не учитывают очевидного факта: мама и папа – разные! Они не могут общаться с ребенком «однотипно», потому что являются представителями разных полов. В роли родителей их объединяет одно прекрасное чувство – любовь к малышу.

Сегодня совместо с Таллиннским центром семейных отношений  мы решили разобраться в чем же эта разница между воспитанием мамы и папы? Может ли папа заботиться о детях не хуже мамы? В чем его особая роль в жизни ребенка? Нужно ли родителям поделить между собой строгость и нежность, авторитет и опеку? На все эти вопросы попробуем разобраться c опытным психологом Еленой Вересовой.

Мамино и папино воспитание: особенности и различия

Отцовское воспитание очень важно. Дети, в воспитании которых активную роль принимал отец, становятся более успешными и умными. Это факт доказали ученые Центра поведения и эволюции человека университета Ньюкасла в США. Дети, с которыми отцы играли, регулярно ходили на прогулки, читали вместе книжки, выросли умными и многого добились в жизни. Мужское воспитание позитивно сказывается и на мальчиках, и на девочках. Обычно, мужчины хотят иметь сыновей. Потому они и уделяют им больше внимания. Намного больше, чем дочерям. Исследования показывают, что в первые годы жизни ребенка папы уделяют мальчикам в два раза больше времени, чем девочки. Чем старше становятся дети, тем это разница становится ощутимей. Отцы видят в сыне своего прямого наследника. Потому они больше от них требуют и ожидают. Если у мальчика что-то не получается, мужчина принимает это на свой счет.

Но есть же и прекрасные примеры «папиных дочек». Невозможно словами описать внутреннюю связь папы и дочки, их понимание друг друга с полуслова, полувзгляда. И если девочка единственный ребенок в семье, то именно ей отводится роль будущего наследника семейных ценностей, традиций, семейного дела. Девочки более чувствительны к накладываемой на них ответственности. И родителям важно это учитывать в своих манерах воспитания ребенка.

Изначально у мамы и папы разные способы чувствовать. Мама выделяет в качестве самого важного в жизни одно, папа – совершенно другое. Да и методы достижения цели у них различаются. И это нормально, более того – заложено природой. Вредно и бесполезно пытаться это поломать. Как без маминой мягкости, нежности, терпимости, так и без папиной мужественности и твердости малыш не получит необходимого опыта в нелегком труде познания мира, людей, самого себя. Главное, чтобы в каждом контакте взрослого с крохой отчетливо прослеживалась забота, любовь и все позитивное, что мама и папа стремятся дать своему ребенку.

Обоим родителям стоит четко определиться, в чем нуждается малыш при повседневном общении, а что ему может навредить, и в воспитании придерживаться этих установок. Тогда и конфликтов будет значительно меньше, и соответствующие (мужские или женские) формы общения найдут свое место.

Важно! Не стремиться в воспитании ребенка преодолевать себя. Маме не нужно пытаться стать строже, а отцу не стоит быть нежным через силу. Пусть каждый будет самим собой и проявляет свои настоящие чувства.

 Малышу необходимы постоянные свидетельства родительской любви. Если мама всегда готова обнять, поцеловать кроху, то папа не всегда будет сюсюкать. Однако и мужчина всегда может дать понять малышу, как сильно любит и ценит его. Достаточно погладить по головке, чмокнуть в макушку, перед сном заботливо укрыть одеялом, шутливо потереться носами… Поверьте, дети очень дорожат такими сдержанными проявлениями любви!

Никогда нельзя бить детей, в каком бы возрасте и какого бы пола они ни были, ни за какие «грехи»!!! Нужно разговаривать с ними, по-доброму и справедливо. Побои ожесточают душу и порождают одно желание – избавиться от мучителей.

Мамино и папино воспитание: особенности и различия

Не навешивайте на кроху ярлыки (упрямый, ленивый, злой, капризный, вредный и т.д.) Малыш еще сам не знает, какой он, и получает информацию только от родителей. Вы ведь не хотите, чтобы он поверил в слова, которыми вы его «награждаете»? Лучше при малейшем успехе крохи или проявлении добрых сторон его натуры называть то положительное, что в нем есть. Хвалите чаще вашего ребенка, говорите: «Ты упорный, терпеливый, ласковый, добрый, заботливый».

Чем больше папа будет принимать участия в заботе о ребенке, тем легче проявится его отцовскому инстинкту. А ребенок, в свою очередь, проявит к папе привязанность, что еще больше укрепит их отношения. Мужчины могут так же хорошо справиться с уходом за ребенком, как и матери. Мужчины могут играть большую роль в воспитании ребенка:

  • С первых дней жизни малыша нужно привлечь мужчину к уходу за ним: менять памперс, помочь искупать, гулять с малышом, кормить из бутылки. Многие мамы уже с самого рождения малыша допускают большую ошибку, не доверяя мужчине уход за младенцем, мол, ты не умеешь, не сможешь, не справишься. Тем самым отдаляя отца от ребенка. Это плод вашей любви, ваш совместный первый опыт быть родителями, так проживайте его вместе, учась друг у друга, доверяя друг другу.
  • Важное место в отношениях отца и ребенка занимает игра. В отличие от женщин, отцы устраивают энергичные, веселые и непредсказуемые игры. Это очень нравится детям. Пусть это будут их игры – папы и ребенка. Ведь во время совместной игры, между ними упрочняется связь доверительный отношений, интереса друг к другу, любви и заботы. Мамам не стоит встревать в игру и диктовать свои правила, если нужно ее тоже позовут. Пусть отец чаще проводит время с ребенком именно в игре.
  • Полезно организовывать совместные прогулки малыша и отца в общественные места. Например, в зоопарк или парк развлечений. Он может многое рассказать ребенку в ходе прогулки. А потом увиденное и услышанное от папы, малыш сможет рассказать маме, ведь ему так захочется поделиться с близким человеком полученными положительными новыми эмоциями.
  • Когда ребенок начинает активно двигаться и изучать мир, лучшего партнера, чем папа, ему не найти. Мужчины привыкли находиться вне дома и вести активный образ жизни, потому это не будет для них проблемой.
  • Мужчины менее эмоциональны, чем женщины. Именно поэтому они могут объективно оценить поступок ребенка и справедливо его наказать. У них легче получится воспитать в ребенке дисциплинированность.

Отец – это такая же значимая фигура в мире ребенка, как и мама. Он становится некой моделью поведения для мальчиков и примером мужества для девочек. Чем больше отец общается с ребенком, тем более гармоничной и развитой личностью он вырастет. Если ты хочешь, чтобы папа твоего ребенка проводил с ним больше времени, попытайся пробудить в нем отцовский инстинкт

Как себя вести?

Младенец плачет, извелся сам и извел окружающих? Просто ему плохо, а он не умеет сказать об этом. Конечно, ласковая мама осмотрит кроху, возьмет на руки. Если мамы нет рядом, папа придет на помощь – обнимет, покачает…

Малыш постарше упрямится, не хочет сам одеваться? Нужен уверенный и спокойный папа, который по-мужски великодушно простит малышу случайный каприз. Он строго скажет: «Я вижу, ты недоволен. Но есть правила, и их придется выполнять. Сейчас нужно быстро одеться». Даже если кроха не подчинится, отец крепко возьмет его и, не ругаясь и браня, натянет на строптивца ботинки. А на улице предложит веселую игру, чтобы карапуз не дулся.

Или такая ситуация. Мама пожалела малыша и, простив ему баловство, купила игрушку, а папа, как приверженец строгости, недоволен этим? Он покажет пример мужской требовательности, выдержки и заботливого отношения к женщине, если скажет ребенку: «Считаю, что тебя следовало сегодня наказать. Но я пошел навстречу маме, потому что она была огорчена. А женщинам нужно уступать. Если же такое поведение повторится, я тебя накажу».

Выражая свою позицию, родителям необходимо быть терпимым и не стремиться к победе над своей половинкой. Действовать сообща. И тогда в семье воцарится гармония.

В качестве помощника в вопросах воспитания вашего малыша, для обоих родителей, очень рекомендую «Настольную книгу родителей» Игоря Павлова. Как воспитывают детей мамы? А папы? Конечно, по-разному! Жаль, что в книгах по воспитанию об этом частенько забывают. Но наконец появилась книга, которая рассказывает об особенностях маминого и папиного воспитания. Эта книга состоит из двух частей: маминой и папиной. Читать можно по очереди, вместе и даже вслух. Главное – обязательно обсудить прочитанное и выбрать именно те методики и рекомендации, которые органично подойдут для вашей семьи!

В написании статьи использованы материалы следующих авторов и источников:

  1. Лиля Дубинская – практический семейный, детский, кризисный психолог (г.Киев)
  2. Клуб счастливых мам ua
  3. Личный опыт как мамы и наблюдателя отношений папы и дочки

 

 

 

 

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  56. Sorry for the huge review, but I’m really loving the new Zune, and hope this, as well as the excellent reviews some other people have written, will help you decide if it’s the right choice for you.

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    Hands down, Apple’s app store wins by a mile. It’s a huge selection of all sorts of apps vs a rather sad selection of a handful for Zune. Microsoft has plans, especially in the realm of games, but I’m not sure I’d want to bet on the future if this aspect is important to you. The iPod is a much better choice in that case.

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  59. Sorry for the huge review, but I’m really loving the new Zune, and hope this, as well as the excellent reviews some other people have written, will help you decide if it’s the right choice for you.

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  62. I’ll gear this review to 2 types of people: current Zune owners who are considering an upgrade, and people trying to decide between a Zune and an iPod. (There are other players worth considering out there, like the Sony Walkman X, but I hope this gives you enough info to make an informed decision of the Zune vs players other than the iPod line as well.)

  63. The Zune concentrates on being a Portable Media Player. Not a web browser. Not a game machine. Maybe in the future it’ll do even better in those areas, but for now it’s a fantastic way to organize and listen to your music and videos, and is without peer in that regard. The iPod’s strengths are its web browsing and apps. If those sound more compelling, perhaps it is your best choice.

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