Социальные грани — наказывать или нет детей?



В связи с появлением разнообразной литературы о методах воспитания в последние лет двадцать, у многих родителей встает вопрос: «Так как же все-таки воспитывать? Наказывать или нет?»

Помните анекдот?
«Ехала в маршрутке. Сзади сидела какая-то мама с9-10 летним ребенком. Этот»малыш»постоянно меня тыкал ногой в грязных ботинках по белым штанам(специально), на что я обратилась к его маме с просьбой его унять. Она мне сказала, что они воспитывают ребенка по системе какого-то»Эхузера», это когда ребенку все разрешают и по сути послала меня на. Потом сзади подошел парень, чуть меня старше. Вынул изо рта жвачку, налепил прямо на лоб мамаше, сказал:»Меня тоже по этой системе воспитывали»подмигнул и вышел на остановке»

Мы попросили прокомментировать ситуацию психолога, семейного терапевта Викторию Вейнранк.
Виктория уже более 10 лет работает с семьями, которые попадают в сложные ситуации, и всегда очень внимательно относится к проблемам самых маленьких клиентов.

Не буду сильно углубляться в описание различных методик, а выделю глобальные аспекты.
Существует мнение, основанное естественно на методологических исследованиях,что наказание ведет к подавлению личности. Каждая новоиспеченная мама для своего ребенка хочет быть безупречной и совершенно не хочет быть источником психологических проблем. Хороший посыл и совершенно адекватный, на первый взгляд, в своем исполнении. Пока ребенок находится в младенческом возрасте- это абсолютно подходящая форма воспитания. За что его наказывать, когда он столь беспомощен и беззащитен?

наказывать или нет детей?

 

По мере развития у младенца меняется не только его внешний вид, но и меняется поведение и формы проявления его желаний. Малыш начинает исследование мира сначала в его ближайшем окружении. Начиная поворачиваться, он видит совершенно разные картинки. Лежа на спине и лежа на животе мир выгляди по-разному. Потом добавляется возможность ползти и радость бытия накрывает маленького человека. Теперь становятся доступными те вещи, которые так манят и до них есть возможность добраться. Радость родителей от созерцания успехов своего чада безудержна и безмятежна, пока на пути его взросления не начинают появляться предметы, которые своем не похожи на детские игрушки. Великая радость приобретает нотки обеспокоенности, замешанных на легком раздражении.
Как объяснять границу дозволенного? Совершенно недавно это был комочек радости и беззащитности, а теперь на его пути розетки, бытовые предметы, если есть животные, то и их кормушки и поилки. Как теперь оставаться в рамках выбранной тактики, как не говорить «нельзя» и «нет»?

наказывать или нет детей?

А скорость взросления опережает скорость решения и вот малыш встал, и его сфера влияния расширилась не только в плоскости пола , но и на высоту его роста. Момент от попытки встать до первых шагов столь быстр, что родители не успевают опомниться, как их собственная жизнь превратилась в сплошное беганье за ребенком и обеспечение его безопасности.
Как мы помним по одной из многочисленных теорий воспитания, ограничивать пространство ребенка категорически запрещается, т.к. со временем это может привести к потере свободы личности. И вот маленькая свободная личность исследует все доступное ей пространство и постепенно понимает , что стоит к свободе подключить мощный звуковой сигнал, как все его желания сразу становятся осуществимы. Родители слегка в трансе. Папа потихоньку «делает ноги» в сторону работы, а мама уже и не понимает жива ли или это ей снится. Потом малыш подходит к замечательному возрасту определения границ дозволенного ( 1,5(2)- 3(4)) и сирена его желаний и потребностей вообще практически не выключается. Потом первое вхождение в социальную жизнь. Ребенок выходит в садик. А границ дозволенного у него нет, личность же свободная! А воспитатели чаще всего не могут учитывать индивидуальных взглядов на воспитание вновь прибывших детей. И как вы понимаете появляется первое столкновение с границами. Важно отметить, что детский мир социализации и развития столь гибок и высоко приспособляем, что ребенок довольно быстро принимает правила поведения в различных средах. Поясню. Приходя в садик он будет вести себя совершенно иным образом, нежели дома, причем всегда по-разному будет вести себя с разными воспитателями в группе. Что интересно, какой бы садик не был, в какой языковой группе и в каком бы районе, не важно, для ребенка всегда будет одна хорошая воспитательница и одна не очень. Приходя к дедушкам и бабушкам, его поведение тоже будет значительно отличаться от домашнего, а в присутствии родителей и старшего поколения вместе- и того больше! Замечали?

наказывать или нет детей?
Я не буду подробно останавливаться на взаимодействии ребенка внутри его социальной группы. Там вырабатываются совершенно иные навыки взаимодействия. Огонь в проявлении не очень очаровательного характера добавляет отсутствие единых взглядов на тактику воспитания между родителями. Дети настолько тонкие психологи, что они сразу чувствуют разобщенность между мамой и папой. Маленький человек вырабатывает самостоятельно различные формы поведения, четко понимая где и как нужно. Их манипулятивная приспособляемость вызывает глубокое восхищение. Потом школа и вот свободная личность без четких осознаний границ дозволенного выходит во взрослую жизнь. «Хочу» очень хорошее желание, но если оно не становиться опасным. Тенденция современной молодежи весьма пугает. Я хочу и я буду! Самое пугающее, что многие навыки поведения в обществе совершенно теряются. Кто работает в сфере обслуживания, знают как часто молодой работник , может без всяких объяснений не выйти на работу. Я хочу сегодня не работать. Восприятие рабочих обязанностей тоже хромает. Причем я сейчас не говорю об учебе, я касаюсь взрослых взаимоотношений работодателя и подчиненного. Определенные социальные трудности становятся очень сложно выполнимыми. Усидчивость , четкость во временном аспекте, столкновение с трудностями- все это является весьма серьезными препятствиями с которыми трудно справляться. Так стоит ли так оголтело пускаться в воспитание свободной личности или стоит знакомить своего ребенка с тем что не все доступно , когда тебе хочется? Может жизнь не будет столь тяжела в дальнейшем, если потихоньку создавать удобство не только для своего продолжения, но и делать ее комфортной и для себя. Не всегда манеж -это зло. Не каждое требование должно быть исполнено молниеносно. Если есть опасность для здоровья , как то розетки и бытовая техника, может стоит поступиться приобретенными книжными знаниями и стоит объяснить, что в жизни бывает что-то нельзя, т.к. это банально опасно.

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162 Комментариев для “Социальные грани — наказывать или нет детей?”

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  3. Knowledge is better than riches Cameroon

  4. Between me and my husband we’ve owned more MP3 players over the years than I can count, including Sansas, iRivers, iPods (classic & touch), the Ibiza Rhapsody, etc. But, the last few years I’ve settled down to one line of players. Why? Because I was happy to discover how well-designed and fun to use the underappreciated (and widely mocked) Zunes are.

  5. Zune and iPod: Most people compare the Zune to the Touch, but after seeing how slim and surprisingly small and light it is, I consider it to be a rather unique hybrid that combines qualities of both the Touch and the Nano. It’s very colorful and lovely OLED screen is slightly smaller than the touch screen, but the player itself feels quite a bit smaller and lighter. It weighs about 2/3 as much, and is noticeably smaller in width and height, while being just a hair thicker.

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  7. cars:

    I’ll gear this review to 2 types of people: current Zune owners who are considering an upgrade, and people trying to decide between a Zune and an iPod. (There are other players worth considering out there, like the Sony Walkman X, but I hope this gives you enough info to make an informed decision of the Zune vs players other than the iPod line as well.)

  8. If you’re still on the fence: grab your favorite earphones, head down to a Best Buy and ask to plug them into a Zune then an iPod and see which one sounds better to you, and which interface makes you smile more. Then you’ll know which is right for you.

  9. site:

    Hands down, Apple’s app store wins by a mile. It’s a huge selection of all sorts of apps vs a rather sad selection of a handful for Zune. Microsoft has plans, especially in the realm of games, but I’m not sure I’d want to bet on the future if this aspect is important to you. The iPod is a much better choice in that case.

  10. I’ll gear this review to 2 types of people: current Zune owners who are considering an upgrade, and people trying to decide between a Zune and an iPod. (There are other players worth considering out there, like the Sony Walkman X, but I hope this gives you enough info to make an informed decision of the Zune vs players other than the iPod line as well.)

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  24. The new Zune browser is surprisingly good, but not as good as the iPod’s. It works well, but isn’t as fast as Safari, and has a clunkier interface. If you occasionally plan on using the web browser that’s not an issue, but if you’re planning to browse the web alot from your PMP then the iPod’s larger screen and better browser may be important.

  25. This is getting a bit more subjective, but I much prefer the Zune Marketplace. The interface is colorful, has more flair, and some cool features like ‘Mixview’ that let you quickly see related albums, songs, or other users related to what you’re listening to. Clicking on one of those will center on that item, and another set of «neighbors» will come into view, allowing you to navigate around exploring by similar artists, songs, or users. Speaking of users, the Zune «Social» is also great fun, letting you find others with shared tastes and becoming friends with them. You then can listen to a playlist created based on an amalgamation of what all your friends are listening to, which is also enjoyable. Those concerned with privacy will be relieved to know you can prevent the public from seeing your personal listening habits if you so choose.

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  60. Zune and iPod: Most people compare the Zune to the Touch, but after seeing how slim and surprisingly small and light it is, I consider it to be a rather unique hybrid that combines qualities of both the Touch and the Nano. It’s very colorful and lovely OLED screen is slightly smaller than the touch screen, but the player itself feels quite a bit smaller and lighter. It weighs about 2/3 as much, and is noticeably smaller in width and height, while being just a hair thicker.

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  69. Apple now has Rhapsody as an app, which is a great start, but it is currently hampered by the inability to store locally on your iPod, and has a dismal 64kbps bit rate. If this changes, then it will somewhat negate this advantage for the Zune, but the 10 songs per month will still be a big plus in Zune Pass’ favor.

  70. If you’re still on the fence: grab your favorite earphones, head down to a Best Buy and ask to plug them into a Zune then an iPod and see which one sounds better to you, and which interface makes you smile more. Then you’ll know which is right for you.

  71. Apple now has Rhapsody as an app, which is a great start, but it is currently hampered by the inability to store locally on your iPod, and has a dismal 64kbps bit rate. If this changes, then it will somewhat negate this advantage for the Zune, but the 10 songs per month will still be a big plus in Zune Pass’ favor.

  72. Between me and my husband we’ve owned more MP3 players over the years than I can count, including Sansas, iRivers, iPods (classic & touch), the Ibiza Rhapsody, etc. But, the last few years I’ve settled down to one line of players. Why? Because I was happy to discover how well-designed and fun to use the underappreciated (and widely mocked) Zunes are.

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  74. the first road to not be scrubbed It is being greedy and think to make smart and be greedyyou really believe that someone would give you ten times the amount that you spend?you realize for yourself that it is impossible!and you realize that if one uses the credit card itself certainly not to give her around cos’ that someone who does not know what do you find and burn the cards in a matter of minutes and are all screwed!so before you tell others you get you foolishly think you wanted to cheat someone and what you lose is just the price for your greed.and that money with which you have been cheated the amount spent for a lesson.there are real systems, but they are fast, they make you earn 100%, but of course nobody does such a transaction for $ 100.those are all scams.so if you think you are smarter than someone doing the crook of craft and paying nominee, accomplices, and loses his time writing email … forget it.if you think someone will give true credit card and CVV legitimate, forget it.but maybe I will forget when you’ve lost a lot of money.if you really want instead an example of what can be done, I’ll give an example.with $ 1,000 in ten days it can get to collect (and in most other payments) until 2000/2500this is a «figure honest.»and if you can find five people who participate and pay their shareyou can earn 3500 dollars and they 2000 that is at least doubled.but it takes 7-10 days, and with many small payouts.maybe you’re not prepared for it and you have to be cheated again.if not write to whitehack82@gmail.com

  75. Hands down, Apple’s app store wins by a mile. It’s a huge selection of all sorts of apps vs a rather sad selection of a handful for Zune. Microsoft has plans, especially in the realm of games, but I’m not sure I’d want to bet on the future if this aspect is important to you. The iPod is a much better choice in that case.

  76. I simply want to mention I’m newbie to blogging and site-building and honestly enjoyed your web-site. Very likely I’m likely to bookmark your site . You surely have exceptional articles and reviews. Kudos for sharing with us your blog site.

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