Ссоры между детьми. В чем проблема?



Очень часто, когда в семье растут два или больше ребятишек, между ними возникают споры, ссоры и драки. Старший  систематически ссорится с младшим, причем это может случиться в любое время дня и ночи. Говорят, что основная причина ссор между братьями и сестрами в детстве — неподеленные игрушки, а не борьба за родительское внимание. Так это или нет попробуем  разобраться вместе с опытным психологом Таллиннского центра семейных отношений  Златой Макеевой.

Юля(дочке 3 года) : «Как отучить дочь не обижать младшего брата? Ему 1,5 года. Она постоянно отбирает у него игрушки и кусает. Что в такие моменты следует говорить и как лучше себя вести?»

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Юля, сейчас Ваша дочка переживает кризис 3х лет. Это сложный период, как для Вас, так и для нее самой. Этот кризис характеризуется частыми протестами
со стороны ребёнка. Родители, проживая этот период в развитие ребёнка, отмечают, что ребёнка как- будто подменили. Здесь необходимо родителям
быть более терпеливыми в чувствам и переживаниям ребёнка, хотя иногда это очень сложно. Выход из кризиса – появление у ребёнка местоимения «Я».

Сейчас к своим игрушкам ребёнок относится как части себя, своей руки,ноги, и не умеет делится. Поэтому, защищая «своё», ребёнок может быть агрессивным.
Часто ребёнок в этом воразре начинает драться или кусаться, так не умеет по-другому выражать себя. В такие моменты лучше всего ,если Вы будете переключать внимание ребёнка. И говорить, что кусаться нельзя. Чтобы это звучало, как правило, которое никогда и не при каких условия не меняется. Попробуйте просто отвлечь девочку, если Вы видите, что она замахнулась на братика, переключить ее внимание. Так же можно попробовать разыграть ситуацию с любимыми игрушками дочки: пусть она будет мишкой, а Вы – зайчиком. Агрессивный зайчик будет нападать на спокойного мишку. Так девочка сможет со стороны увидеть, как выглядят ее поступки по отношению к брату. Если в такой игре дочка захочет взять на себя роль агрессора и станет колотить другие игрушки, не мешайте ей: возможно, ей нужно выплеснуть негативную энергию, и игрушки ей в этом помогут. Но потом обязательно покажите, что почувствовали другие зверушки: заплакали; попали в больницу, перестали дружить с противным медвежонком. Возможно, в игре Вы сами поймете, в чем проблемы девочки и нащупаете пути их решения. Но ни в коем случае нельзя наказывать девочку за драку физически. Так она еще больше уверится, что правда на стороне сильнейшего.

Позже можно научить малышку снимать напряжение, разряжать свой гнев способами, неприносящими вред другому человеку. Можно предложить ей колотить кулачками по специальной «Подушке Злости». В момент следующей вспышки коротко скажите: «Я вижу, ты злишься. Ты можешь побить вот эту подушку, Подушку Злости,» — и дать ребенку возможность «выпустить пар». В спокойном состоянии также можно рассматривать подушку, тренироваться по ней бить и обязательно упоминать, что когда наступит «пиковый» момент, необходимо обращаться к ней. Мягкие мячики, которые можно швырять в стены; резиновый
молоток, которым можно стучать об пол; листы бумаги, которые можно яростно разрывать на мелкие кусочки или комкать; глина или пластилин, из которых можно лепить свое чувство гнева и расплющивать кулаком — все это пополнит арсенал средств работы с напряжением ребенка. Для кусания можно предложить специально купленные для этих целей грызунки. Помните, что когда дочка злится, кусается или у неё истерика, то бесполезно объяснять, что так делать нехорошо, нужно дать время ребёнку, чтобы она успокоилась. После того как ребёнок успокоился, с ней можно поговорить.

Спросите, знает ли Юля, что драться, кусать нельзя. Если ребёнок знает, то можно снова вернуться к способа, помогающим справиться с гневом. Если что-то не будет получаться или не найдёте «правильный» подход к ребёнку, обратитесь за консультацией к специалисту.И еще я бы порекомендовала выделить какое-то время пускай и не большое, но которое будет посвящено только ей. Время для вас двоих. И конечно же как можно чаще стоит проявлять и говорить о своей любви и важности дочери.

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