Ответ психолога: как разрешить конфликт между старшими и младшими в семье



В начале февраля совместно с «Таллиннским центром семейных отношений» мы делали акцию – «Задай вопрос психологу!» Мы получили от вас много интересных и довольно не простых вопросов. В течении месяца лучшие психологи рассматривали ваши проблемы и постарались как можно более полно и точно ответить на все ваши вопросы. Так как вопросов оказалось много, то в течении недели мы будем выкладывать по одному вопросу в день.

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Сегодняшняя тема будет посвящена конфликту между между старшими и младшими в семье. На вопрос отвечает опытный психолог «Таллиннского центра семейных отношений» Марина Максимова

Как отучить дочь не обижать младшего брата? Ему 1,5 года. Она постоянно отбирает у него игрушки и кусает. Что в такие моменты следует говорить и как лучше себя вести? Юля (дочке 3 года).

Дорогая Юля, самое важное в Вашей ситуации – понять причины такого поведения дочери по отношению к младшему брату. Ваша девочка испытывает вполне обоснованную ревность. А когда маленький человек ревнует, то он проявляет свою ревность открыто, наивно, как может, как умеет.

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Как приступить к исправлению ситуации?

Прежде всего, попытайтесь увидеть ситуацию глазами своей маленькой дочки, а не глазами взрослого человека.  У вашей дочки вдруг появился соперник, младший братик – он получает больше внимания, ласки, у него новые игрушки, его защищают.

Поймите, что дочка отнимает игрушки у брата не из-за жадности.  Просто часто детям кажется, что забрав у брата игрушку, она получит ту заботу, то отношение, которое получает от Вас младший брат. Очень многое в поведении дочки зависит и от Вашего поведения — от Вашей мудрости, доброты, способности оставаться ласковой. Постарайтесь успокоить свою девочку, приласкать, объяснить ей, что Выпонимаете её, что любите её по-прежнему. Иногда проводите с ней время только вдвоём, без младшего брата. Обнимайте её почаще, и она успокоится.

Что делать, если дети всё же поссорились?

Постарайтесь в такой ситуации прежде всего защитить своего сына. А для этого не оставляйте дочку с сыном играть вдвоём – путь кто-нибудь из старших всегда направляет их игры и присматривает за ними. Важно понять следующее:  «режиссёром» и «дирижёром» игр детей с такой маленькой разницей в возрасте, как у Ваших детей, обязательно должен быть взрослый человек.

Сначала должен быть выработан положительный сценарий игры под руководством взрослого человека. А уже потом, постепенно, можно оставлять детей играть на короткое время вдвоём, не упуская из своего поля зрения. Если Вы будете пускать игру на самотёк, то вполне возможно, что дочка опять будет вести себя агрессивно по отношению к брату.

Я понимаю, что для Вас такая рекомендация может быть в чём-то неожиданна.  Почему-то многие родители совершенно уверены в том, что дети изначально должны дружно и весело играть вместе, и бывают  очень расстроены, если понимают, что так не будет, что игры детей нужно контролировать и направлять.  Но дети умеют делать только то, чему их научили взрослые.  Значит, нужно учить Вашу дочку дружить с братиком, быть с ним ласковой, дружелюбной, доброй.

Если ссора всё-таки случилась, то постарайтесь развести их по разным местам – пусть каждый играет сам в свою игру.  Делайте это спокойно, уверенно,  без лишних слов. Постепенно детки поймут, что вместе играть им гораздо интереснее и веселей, чем скучать поодиночке.Объясните дочке, что когда она кусает братика, то ему больно, плохо, страшно. Скажите ей: «А ты хотела бы, чтобы кто-нибудь тебя укусил? Ведь это больно!»  Старайтесь уходить от нотаций и замечаний. Постоянно придумывайте и рассказывайте дочке сказку про хорошую девочку, у которой есть младший братик, и она его защищает, помогает ему взрослеть.  Благодаря сказке девочка постепенно усвоит правильные образцы поведения.И, что важно, обсуждая сюжеты сказки, вы с дочкой будете говорить не о ней и о братике, а о вымышленных персонажах, а это даёт больше свободы для обсуждения и выражения своих чувств.

Хвалите девочку за хорошее поведение.

Обязательно отмечайте её заслуги, когда она хорошо, спокойно вела себя с братиком. Можете косвенно похвалить её, рассказывая, например, бабушке о том, как она сегодня хорошо играла с братом — дала ему свою игрушку. Постепенно девочка поймёт, что гораздо приятнее привлекать Ваше внимание добрым, хорошим поведением, а не отнимая у младшего брата игрушки, которые ей на самом деле уже и не интересны. Самая большая ошибка – думать, что дочка будет всегда вести себя так по отношению к братику.  Детки растут, и на смену соперничеству и ревности обязательно придут дружба и взаимная поддержка.

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  114. This is getting a small amount a lot of subjective, however I abundant like the Zune Marketplace. The interface is colorful, has more aptitude, and a few cool features like ‘Mixview’ that allow you quickly see related albums, songs, or different users related to what you’re taking note of. Clicking on one of those will center on that item, and another set of «neighbors» can come into view, allowing you to navigate around exploring by similar artists, songs, or users. Speaking of users, the Zune «Social» is additionally nice fun, letting you find others with shared tastes and changing into friends with them. You then will listen to a playlist created based on an amalgamation of what all your friends are paying attention to, that is additionally enjoyable. Those concerned with privacy will be relieved to understand you’ll forestall the public from seeing your personal listening habits if you thus opt for.

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  172. The new Zune browser is surprisingly good, but not as good as the iPod’s. It works well, but isn’t as fast as Safari, and has a clunkier interface. If you occasionally plan on using the web browser that’s not an issue, but if you’re planning to browse the web alot from your PMP then the iPod’s larger screen and better browser may be important.

  173. This is getting a bit more subjective, but I much prefer the Zune Marketplace. The interface is colorful, has more flair, and some cool features like ‘Mixview’ that let you quickly see related albums, songs, or other users related to what you’re listening to. Clicking on one of those will center on that item, and another set of «neighbors» will come into view, allowing you to navigate around exploring by similar artists, songs, or users. Speaking of users, the Zune «Social» is also great fun, letting you find others with shared tastes and becoming friends with them. You then can listen to a playlist created based on an amalgamation of what all your friends are listening to, which is also enjoyable. Those concerned with privacy will be relieved to know you can prevent the public from seeing your personal listening habits if you so choose.

  174. Sorry for the huge review, but I’m really loving the new Zune, and hope this, as well as the excellent reviews some other people have written, will help you decide if it’s the right choice for you.

  175. Mint is done by Quicken. They closed down their online site after purchasing Mint.

  176. Apple now has Rhapsody as an app, which is a great start, but it is currently hampered by the inability to store locally on your iPod, and has a dismal 64kbps bit rate. If this changes, then it will somewhat negate this advantage for the Zune, but the 10 songs per month will still be a big plus in Zune Pass’ favor.

  177. Sorry for the huge review, but I’m really loving the new Zune, and hope this, as well as the excellent reviews some other people have written, will help you decide if it’s the right choice for you.

  178. Zune and iPod: Most people compare the Zune to the Touch, but after seeing how slim and surprisingly small and light it is, I consider it to be a rather unique hybrid that combines qualities of both the Touch and the Nano. It’s very colorful and lovely OLED screen is slightly smaller than the touch screen, but the player itself feels quite a bit smaller and lighter. It weighs about 2/3 as much, and is noticeably smaller in width and height, while being just a hair thicker.

  179. The Zune concentrates on being a Portable Media Player. Not a web browser. Not a game machine. Maybe in the future it’ll do even better in those areas, but for now it’s a fantastic way to organize and listen to your music and videos, and is without peer in that regard. The iPod’s strengths are its web browsing and apps. If those sound more compelling, perhaps it is your best choice.

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