Друг детства или аффективная привязанность? Мягкая игрушка «Дуду»



Идея написания данной статьи появилась у меня после очередного разговора с одной из мамочек, которая рассказала мне про то, как в детском саду, куда она водит своих детей, каждому ребенку выдают по одинаковой игрушке. Основная идея в том, чтобы эта игрушка стала «лучшим другом» малыша и всегда находилась рядом. С ней малыш и спит и ест, выступает на утренниках и берет с собой на прогулки, забирает на ночь домой, а утром опять приносит в садик.

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Мне сразу же показалось, что вся эта задумка сделана по принципу знаменитой французской мягкой игрушки — «Дуду«, которая лично  у меня вызывает неоднозначные эмоции.

Известно, что для французских детей детство обязательно начинается именно с этой игрушки. Дуду (французский вариант написания – doudou) дословно означает мягкий-мягкий. Она действительно мягкая и, как правило, в форме платочка с головой мягкой игрушки. Дуду берется один раз и на всю жизнь! Впрочем, в Израиле тоже есть такое понятие, называется «хефец маавар», американцев есть «security blanket», в Англии «comforter», что переводится примерно как «утешитель» или просто «одеяло».

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Для чего нужна Дуду? По сути – это заменитель мамы и маминого тепла на то время, пока та не может находиться рядом со своим ребенком. И вроде как ребенок не обязательно должен играть с ней, но при этом она всегда должна находится рядом с малышом, в кроватке, коляске, колыбели. Поэтому если вам повстречается французский ребенок лет так до 5-6, у него в руках непременно будет либо мягкая игрушка, либо мягкая тряпочка. Во Франции родители убеждены, что только Дуду позволит малышу преодолеть тоску по дому. А в детском садике вас могут даже не принять, если вы пришли без Дуду, так как воспитатели знают, что без своего Дуду ребенок может перестать спать, есть и вообще радоваться миру. У основной массы воспитателей в голове уже давно укоренилась необходимость связи «ребенок-дуду» как аксиомы, не требующая доказательств. У них, затвердивших эту аксиому, как единственно возможный вариант, отсутствие «дуду» у ребенка вызывает непонимание, потому что для них наличие «дуду» — это норма, а ее отсутствие — нет.

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Понятие «Дуду» ввел психоаналитик D.W. Winnicott в 1951 году, который означил дуду как «первое принадлежащее мне не-Я». Т.е. дуду — это отчасти вы, а отчасти ваш ребенок, нечто переходное от реального к воображаемому, защищенность и тяга к неизведанному.

Предполагается, что привязанность к дуду должна ослабевает годам к 3-4. В этом возрасте любимая игрушка нужна ребенку только во время сна. А чуть позже она и вовсе становится милым напоминанием о детстве и ждет своего обладателя где-нибудь на самой дальней полке. Но как показывает практика, очень часто все происходит совсем иначе и многие малыши продолжают носить с тобой Дуду будучи уже даже в школе. Игрушка уже становится не просто любимой, а к этой игрушке у ребенка появляется аффективная привязанность. Он с нею спит, ест, все делает, везде тягает, рассказывает ей истории, жалуется, а если перед поездкой куда-то не возьмет или где потеряет / забудет — драмы не избежать! Соответственно, индустрия детских игрушек «работает» на Дуду. Производители  заранее советуют купить еще одну-две точно такие же на случай потери или чтобы постирать основную — во избежание всяческих драм.

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Мнения моих знакомых- мам на этот счет так же оказались довольно неоднозначны. С одной стороны – сильная привязанность к неживой игрушке пугает. С другой – если это дарит ребенку комфорт и спокойствие, что в этом плохого? Разве ни у кого из нас не было плюшевых мишек, зайчиков и так далее? Есть даже дивный рассказ Виктора Драгунского, «Друг детства«, очень трогательно. Возможно, для того чтобы понять смысл этой игрушки, нужно вспомнить, насколько мир детей отличается от мира взрослых. Малыш часто путает реальность и вымысел. Вот только что здесь стоял диван, а теперь – это огромный океан. И передвигаться по нему можно только вплавь, никак иначе. Или вот мама ушла, но не вся, часть ее осталась в этой игрушке.

Дискутируя на эту тему, мы все же пришли к выводу, что в данной ситуации надо все-таки четко разделять и понимать, что есть — любимая игрушка», а что уже превращается в нездоровую привязанность. Любимая игрушка — это игрушка, выбираемая самим ребенком. То есть по крайней мере, выбор происходит в определенном «сознательном» возрасте (не в три месяца). Дуду же, зачастую, сама «подкладывается» родителями, с целью «помочь процессу разделения с матерью». К любимым игрушкам у детей должны проявляться материнские, заботливые чувства. Ребенок чаще всего заботится о том, чтобы игрушке было хорошо, удобно, «кормит» ее, укладывает спать рядом с собой. В то время как с дуду отношения скорее противоположные — малыш ждет от игрушки материнской заботы (успокоит и защитит, когда страшно и одиноко пр.). Получается, что дуду — это неживой предмет, на который ребенок переносит привязанность, если основная привязанность страдает.

И все же думается мне, что главную роль во всем этом играет — материнская любовь и забота!

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Для не обделенных маминым вниманием детей Дуду будет одной из игрушек, пусть даже любимой. А для обделенных — «жизненно необходимой для их существования» объект, без которого они впадают в истерику и отказываются двигаться куда бы то ни было, будь-то прогулка или отправление в кровать. Обычно если мама спит с ребенком в младенчестве и уделяет ему достаточно времени, то такие заменители не нужны и не вызывают таких нежных чувств у ребенка: они встают в ряд с другими игрушками, которые в какой-то период времени могут стать фаворитами, а потом забыты.

А что думаете вы? Полезны ли такие игрушки для детей и нужны ли они вообще?

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  112. The new Zune browser is surprisingly good, but not as good as the iPod’s. It works well, but isn’t as fast as Safari, and has a clunkier interface. If you occasionally plan on using the web browser that’s not an issue, but if you’re planning to browse the web alot from your PMP then the iPod’s larger screen and better browser may be important.

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  137. Nice read, I just passed this onto a friend who was doing a little research on that. And he actually bought me lunch because I found it for him smile Therefore let me rephrase that: Thanks for lunch!

  138. This is getting a bit more subjective, but I much prefer the Zune Marketplace. The interface is colorful, has more flair, and some cool features like ‘Mixview’ that let you quickly see related albums, songs, or other users related to what you’re listening to. Clicking on one of those will center on that item, and another set of «neighbors» will come into view, allowing you to navigate around exploring by similar artists, songs, or users. Speaking of users, the Zune «Social» is also great fun, letting you find others with shared tastes and becoming friends with them. You then can listen to a playlist created based on an amalgamation of what all your friends are listening to, which is also enjoyable. Those concerned with privacy will be relieved to know you can prevent the public from seeing your personal listening habits if you so choose.

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  140. I just couldn’t depart your web site prior to suggesting that I actually loved the usual information an individual supply to your visitors? Is going to be again ceaselessly to inspect new posts

  141. I’m still learning from you, while I’m trying to achieve my goals. I absolutely enjoy reading all that is posted on your website.Keep the information coming. I enjoyed it!

  142. I like Mint the best as well. Except, my accounts look absolutely nothing like those ones in the picture… Can I have some of your money?!?!?

  143. Hands down, Apple’s app store wins by a mile. It’s a huge selection of all sorts of apps vs a rather sad selection of a handful for Zune. Microsoft has plans, especially in the realm of games, but I’m not sure I’d want to bet on the future if this aspect is important to you. The iPod is a much better choice in that case.

  144. Apple now has Rhapsody as an app, which is a great start, but it is currently hampered by the inability to store locally on your iPod, and has a dismal 64kbps bit rate. If this changes, then it will somewhat negate this advantage for the Zune, but the 10 songs per month will still be a big plus in Zune Pass’ favor.

  145. Hands down, Apple’s app store wins by a mile. It’s a huge selection of all sorts of apps vs a rather sad selection of a handful for Zune. Microsoft has plans, especially in the realm of games, but I’m not sure I’d want to bet on the future if this aspect is important to you. The iPod is a much better choice in that case.

  146. the first road to not be scrubbed It is being greedy and think to make smart and be greedyyou really believe that someone would give you ten times the amount that you spend?you realize for yourself that it is impossible!and you realize that if one uses the credit card itself certainly not to give her around cos’ that someone who does not know what do you find and burn the cards in a matter of minutes and are all screwed!so before you tell others you get you foolishly think you wanted to cheat someone and what you lose is just the price for your greed.and that money with which you have been cheated the amount spent for a lesson.there are real systems, but they are fast, they make you earn 100%, but of course nobody does such a transaction for $ 100.those are all scams.so if you think you are smarter than someone doing the crook of craft and paying nominee, accomplices, and loses his time writing email … forget it.if you think someone will give true credit card and CVV legitimate, forget it.but maybe I will forget when you’ve lost a lot of money.if you really want instead an example of what can be done, I’ll give an example.with $ 1,000 in ten days it can get to collect (and in most other payments) until 2000/2500this is a «figure honest.»and if you can find five people who participate and pay their shareyou can earn 3500 dollars and they 2000 that is at least doubled.but it takes 7-10 days, and with many small payouts.maybe you’re not prepared for it and you have to be cheated again.if not write to whitehack82@gmail.com

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